I'm a Christian. Yet I still question God. My disease may not be as deadly as others, but to tell you the truth it has completely altered my life. Before Crohn's I was a happy upbeat person who loved to play practical jokes on people and make others laugh. Now most days I don't have the energy it takes to still be happy and upbeat. I would rather spend my energy doing more basic things that are necessary for life. When I first got sick I could hardly take a shower, once I was done I was pooped. How is that fair? To me, to those I know? How could they ever treat me "normally" when I can't act "normally"? I realize I already have a post on fairness and I'm not going to dwell on it in this post. It frustrates me when people take their health for granted, I'll admit it, I did too. I never in a million years thought I would ever EVER get a chronic disease, I figured best case scenario I'd end up with breast cancer. I question God about why I, a 20 something, would get a disease that will forever be a part of my life until they find a cure. All I ever wanted in life was to be happy. But being happy is a choice and that choice is a lot harder to make every single day. Sometimes I make the choice, other days I don't. The whole question of "Why does God let bad things happen to good people?" comes to mind as I type this. The answer is simple, hard to swallow, yet ever so simple. We aren't good people. Well at least I'm not. I mean I haven't killed anyone, but I can be mean and crabby and a jerk. Sometimes I'm not nice to others. I sin, I'm very prideful. I'm not sure how to end this because lets be honest, conclusions aren't my strong point. But in summation I know that God has a plan for me and all the these hardships and diseases will ultimately lead to something beautiful. I can't see the big picture all I can see is the itsy bitsy piece of the puzzle that I'm holding. Things will get better and they will get worse, that is ultimately a fact of life everyone will have to face. Maybe not to certain extremes as others. That is all.